fƖιgнт σf тнє αѕнєѕ
by BlackLabrynith
Summary: A songfic from Ashfur's point of view.


**{leave me as you find me}**

flashback. the man sat looking at the gray world that lay outside his window panes. the barren streets stared back at him, the dilapidated buildings adding to the mournful landscape. he was alone here, alone in this hell he had seeming created for himself, this grave he had unwittingly dug for himself. his world had been sucked of all it's color, yet some part of him saw beauty in this dystopian wasteland. call him what he knew he was, a dreamer. he couldn't help but still believe her lies.

he could still remember days when he would sneak out of his window and sneak into her room. the way her green eyes would light up whenever she saw him, the way she would smile when he held her hand. the smile that she smiled only for him. they had been best friends, he and squirrel, since the days the two had played in the sandbox and gone to school together. ash liked the think that while squirrel's best friend was her sister, he had been her knight in shining armor.

in those days, they had never really taken notice of bramble. in fact, squirrel had taunted and resented the kid. how had everything changed? ah, yes. the summer when squirrel, feather, crow, tawny, and bramble had gone to the coast for the summer. ash hadn't been able to go because of his summer job. but if he had known what he was giving up...

he took another swig from the tinted bottle in his hand, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed the numbing liquid. how he wanted to numb his head. how he wanted these memories to go away.

it was funny, how, when all the voices and faces faded away, the facade dropped away and there was always a mirror before him. he could see the deplorable state of his mind, of his soul. he was left to look back on the events which had led to his current state. could he had done something to defy fate? no, it wasn't possible. if he was born again, into a different life, he would no doubt find squirrel, and fall in love with her all over again. he still believed with was his destiny to love her, to lay before her feet the world.

the reddened eyes began to water again, and the man could not stop the onslaught of silent tears that rained down his unshaven face. he had let go, hadn't he? he hadn't missed his que; he had moved on. but the memories... they were so vivid in his head. when she had returned from the coast, he had immediately noticed the change in her behavior towards bramble. it hadn't stuck him as anything worth noting at the time; she had become friendly with crow and tawny too. but soon, he noticed the wistful looks squirrel would cast bramble's way, and the way she lit up whenever someone mentioned his name.

it was then ash realized, that it was not for him, she smiled anymore, but for another. the son of a criminal. as he would watch the two in front of the diner where he worked, hatred towards bramble subconciously grew within ash's heart, hardening his moral values.

and then heaven smiled upon him once again. she returned to his arms, she searched for his company. she seemed to be struggling with herself during that time in thier senior year in high school, and ash did his best to be there for her. squirrel appreciated this, and began to remember what a great friend ash had been to her before bramble had gotten between them. it helped ash when it was revealed the bramble was the son of tiger, a murderer.

squirrel couldn't trust bramble like she thought she could, and turned to him for comfort. those nights when she would curl up beside him while he read, when they would ride down the the lake together, when they held hands... it was a time during which ash was his happiest. every day was a dream. to take naps beside her, to wake beside her, to steal a kiss from her, that was all he had ever really wanted. and for a time, she was his and only his.

then bramble appeared in her life again, and in a moment, his castle on a hill, and most importantly, his princess were taken from him. it was in no time that he would see squirrel and bramble around town, holding hands, hugging, kissing. and it would slap him in the face each time. she had left him. had ash not been good enough? had his love meant nothing to her?

it was at that time, depression moved in and beer became his lover. squirrel offered her friendship, but he didn't want her friendship. he wanted her love. that was all he would settle for, and it was something she could never give. he couldn't help but feel betrayed, and every single couple he saw in town reminded him of her.

when he heard they they had had children, it was the last straw. insanity became the most rational place he could come to, and depression gave way to suicidal tendencies. he aimlessly wandered the streets, looking for a way to make her feel what she had made him feel. to break her. he tried to kill her father, but to no avail. he attacked her son, but he failed. he needed her to feel pain.

and then, the fire came. the whole town was destoryed by it; everyone was fleeing. her house was burning, and she and her children were still in it. ash remembered clutching at his heart as he blocked the only way out. he was ready to kill lion, holly, and jay. oh, he had looked forward to that day. but then, he had no choice but to release them when she told him they were not her children. he should have killed them anway. promising to reveal thier secret and releasing them had been his demise.

no. his love for squirrel had been his demise, a toxic poison to his mind. in this wasteland, this was where he stopped believing. in death. this is where he stopped loving her. in the afterlife.

**"nothing left to remind me, nothing more that i need to know."**


End file.
